How can you go wrong with a cologne with RUM in the title? But seriously, I love Burt’s Bees stuff. Plus it’s got all sorts of wacky ingredients like pimenta acris leaf oil and eugenia caryophyllus flower oil. Ok, it also has pachouli in it, but hopefully we can forgive this minor offence in the spirit of love and togetherness I know we all possess, right?
$22 at Burt’s Bees
$30 from Gigglefish
Ok, so it’s out of my price range by about a million percent, but I’ve been drooling over it for the past hour anyway. This, my friends, is the ultimate RV – luxury camper body on a Jeep. Basically, you can take it anywhere that you can take any vehicle ever. Just imagine showing up at some GLBT festival in this – how many women would want to share your sweet ride?
Eleventy billion dollars from EarthRoamer
Vegan-friendly olive oil soap. What could make this more awesome? Beer, of course. That’s right, this soap is made with Genuine Pabst Blue Ribbon. A friend got me a bar of this and I haven’t looked back. Granted it was only a week or so ago, so I haven’t really had to get new soap, but that’s beside the point. Sadly, it won’t leave you smelling like PBR, but it does smell great. If you prefer a little class with your soap, the same store also has Sam Adams olive oil soap.
$4.75 at dennisanderson’s Etsy shop
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So, I know a lot of butch women like to go for that hardcore redneck look. And believe me, I like swinging a Stihl around with the best of ’em, whether I have a tree to cut down or not. Therefore, I thought I’d do the world a favor and give an up-to-the-minute report on fashion straight from the oil fields of western North Dakota. So here it is, folks. If you want to look like an oilman:
-shop at Walmart
No really, that’s it. Since that’s literally the only place to buy men’s clothes in a 3 hour radius, that’s what they wear. For bonus points, you’re going to need a sweat-stained baseball cap from your local oil drillers, preferably Haliburton. Also, you need a bumper sticker for your crusty ’83 pickup (don’t lie – you already have one, in spirit at least) that says “Rockin’ the Bakken.” Don’t ask me what it means. I have no idea.
I got this in the mail today. When I first saw it, I thought to myself, “I do love beer. And, I also like keeping my pants up. How could this be better?” And sure enough, it functions as advertised. It’s also as nice looking in person as it is in the picture. I plan on wearing it everywhere. Possibly even to bed. It pays to be prepared.
$29.50 at American Eagle
Nothing says “butch” like engines, and nothing says “style” like a classic suit and tie. So when you have to pull yourself away from that Harley you’re rebuilding or the Mustang you’ve got up on blocks, this handsome tie will remind you of your roots.
$30 (microfiber) or $40 (silk) from Cyberoptix.